News of the Festival, 22nd Aug 2021

The Festival

Some discussion this week on the likely scenarios for the next Festival. Assuming we all get vaccinated (you have done that, haven't you?) it might be possible to lower the risk profile of the event to such an acceptable level that we can actually go ahead - or we install a sheep dip at the entrance, with overhead drenches, and deep clean everyone on the way in. Should work... ​

Not much on the Jam Session front.

This week has seen absolutely nothing happen that would in any way enhance the likelihood of there being a jam session in the near future. Looking on the bright side, that does mean there are some real possibilities emerging for the next week:-

Option 1

We could play Little Sunflower in its entirety without waking up a single audience member, because there won't be any

Option 2

We might not play Little Sunflower at all without the charts and still get lost despite lacking the deep sense of boredom that can only be achieved with the full rendition (16 choruses skipped? Bliss!)

Option 3

Or we play Little Sunflower really badly ... no that won't work as it would be indistinguishable from playing it really well.

Social Distancing Rules for Jam Sessions:

This can be achieved by having solo blues guitarists all afternoon, with bonus points if they spend most of it interminably introducing their song whilst fiddling with the tuning of their guitars. Muddy Blundstones, tatty jeans, cable knit sweaters and a beanie are obligatory, as is the almost complete absence of a sense of humour. If you run out of blues guitarists (sadly, you won't), folk singers are just as handy, and can take sense of humour into negative territory. Either way, no-one gets near anyone. Saves on soap, too.

If we insist on a jazz ensemble, then we will need plenty of trombonists, all playing their lowest Bb, which puts the drain spigot at least 1.5m from the idiot blowing on the other end. Of course, if we can get them, a bagpipe player would work - even now, the wilds of Scotland remain eerily deserted, except for bagpipe players. A coincidence? I think not..

Mask Wearing for Jam Sessions:

Masks are to worn on the chin or carried on the elbow. Evidence suggests that almost no chins and very few elbows have contracted coronavirus. If you prefer, carrying a three day old takeaway coffee cup entitles the holder to assume immunity from almost everything except, possibly, caffeine withdrawal

The Jab, the Jab, and the Jam Session .

Hard to believe, but there are some people who think it is their absolute right to play Little Sunflower regardless of whether anyone wants it or not. They will even do this whilst not knowing the tune, and whilst the rest of the band is playing an entirely different tune. Musicians of such a bent, and I use the term loosely, can be identified by their endless banging on about themselves, Little Sunflower and ... freedom. Theirs, not any else's. Go figure.

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Could someone lift the lockdown. Please.