Nora Loftytrout - Mr Woollan is Unwell . . . Again

Dear Editor

I have been asked to contact you and let you know that Mr Woollan is either ill or way too busy to write for the Newsletter this week, even though the ageing reprobate  did manage to get down to the Sunday Jam session at what he apparently refers to as the Lunatic Soup and Lizard Lounge or somesuch. I myself do not care to darken the streets of Collingwood except in an emergency, and we haven’t had one of those in a while.

I am not sure whether it is the pressure of work that is causing his malaise or the appalling racket  that emanated from said Lizard lounge last Sunday. I am reliably told by several passers by, of whom, by the way,  none of the womenfolk had teeth, and all the menfolk wore eyepatches (it being Colllingwood) that there was the noise of people enjoying themselves, drinking, gossiping, blowing the :tits off of their favourite tune, and generally having a good time, wafting from the windows.. This has got to stop, or the North East Melbourne Methodist Tearooms will be closing due to lack of patronage any day now.

What a disgrace! I quite liked Days of Wine and Roses by the way.

Regards Nora Loftytrout, 56 Refinery Views, Altona West